The Myth of (Not) Fitting In

Written by Flora Goula.

If you have felt anxiety and heaviness because you feel different, if you have felt bad because you lead a life which others consider as conventional and boring, if you have caught yourself being arrogant when you started your own ‘’not fitting’’ things, if you have felt the urge to make those who have not met society’s expectations feel bad but you have, if you have been in just one or more situations described above, then this article is for you.

Many people nowadays claim that they have gone through a spiritual awakening. Every time I hear someone talk about their spiritual awakening experiences, most of the time the first thing they say is that they realized that something is going wrong with society and our lives; that we are not destined just to work nine-to-five, pay bills and die. That we should follow our passion without any fear. That we have to eliminate those voices which tell us to do what others want us to do. I totally agree with all those statements.

Nevertheless, those statements hide some subconscious traps which may lead us to think and deal with people whose lifestyle differs from ours in a negatively predisposed way. To be more specific, anyone who will take time to be a silent observer, who clearly sees and perceives, will notice a subconscious tendency to define a spiritually awakened person as a person whose job is not a nine-to-five one.

Due to that, nowadays more than ever, people are easily criticising those who pursue a degree, who have ambition towards a career, which presupposes higher education, and those who have a regular job on the grounds that it is total slavery which proves that they fit in like robots. On the contrary, they tend to boast about their achievement of not following a conventional path in life. As a result, whoever has made the choice to chase the ‘’fit in’’ aims may think to themselves that they lack talents or the uniqueness the ‘’non-fitters’’ have. Additionally, they might feel the urge to do something to prove their worth and to show that they, as well, have revolutionary ideas for life. Taking into consideration those thoughts, I reckon that a subconscious unnecessary division is being created.

This division has nothing to do with spiritual life per se. As Jiddu Krishnamurti has said, spiritual life is led only by a brain that is functioning with truth and therefore with great intelligence and compassion, by a mind which has the ability to have mindfulness, a state of consciousness that sees and perceives without judging and without bragging. He is referring to a mind that does not create division, intolerance, emotional or mental heaviness and, mainly, ego.

To my way of thinking, there is no such thing as fitting or not fitting in for a reason that has to do with our unique existence per se. I pertain that each and every one of us is a special human being with inner pure light and a bright soul, with their own unique blueprint, their own characteristics, traits, virtues, vices and flaws. Each and every one of us has a divinely unique path to walk on; A path that is exactly what our soul needs so as to gain the experience it needs and evolve. You cannot claim that the one soul fits in and the other does not simply because everyone is walking all the time on the path, which is meant for them.

If your dream is to be a traveller and a blogger be a traveller and a blogger because this is your path. If your dream is to be a teacher at a school because you love teaching children, you are not a slave just because this job is a nine-to-five job. If your dream is to be a doctor, study and be a doctor and no one has the right to show you with their finger saying that you followed a secure path and you fitted in because of fear of adventure. If you are a lawyer and you love it, do not judge those who do not enjoy higher education and do not have an analytical mind as you do. Respectively, every time I get to read or watch someone talking about the superiority of non-fitters against fitters I find it hilarious as it is a comparison of two different souls whose paths are totally different. How can you compare a banana with an avocado? They are both healthy foods and essential for a nutritious diet. How can you compare two different souls and label them like boxes by dividing them into categories of conventional and not conventional? They all serve a unique purpose. Spiritual people should be all about supporting each other, not comparing them with the aim of making them feel less unique.

Everyone fits in and everyone does not fit in, at the same time. To make it more clear, everyone fits in since they were born in this world with a soul’s mission and a plan and thus as a part of our society they will share their light with their own way. Simultaneously, nobody really fits in seeing that everybody goes through dark phases, in which they feel alone, lonely, misunderstood, overwhelmed by society’s expectations, stressed about their professional, their personal and their interpersonal lives.

No one is better than anyone else. No one is more special than anyone else. No one is more important than anyone else. We all share the same needs deep inside and experience the same feelings; We have the need to lead a happy life that fulfils and rejuvenates our soul and we all experience ups and downs, self-doubt and fears. By using words which subconsciously divide us we distance ourselves from feelings of love and peace towards other human beings. Consequently, we distance ourselves from emotional intelligence, compassion and the happiness of not having any reason to be jealous of anybody. Only if we stopped putting labels in human beings, will we set the foundations for a moral, compassionate and non-judgemental society?

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Flora is a law student and loves writing encouraging, philosophical and spiritual articles. Through her studies, career and hobbies she aims at creating something useful which can benefit and empower human beings.

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