Written by Jayashree T.M.G.
Recently, I came across a post about a Japanese legend that said: “Your present face is the face of the one you loved most in your past life”. I can’t trace back to its source, but it definitely is one interesting legend to think about.
Coincidentally, I’ve been trying to do something the past few days which kind of changes the way my face looks. Suddenly I got the urge to try out bangs, maybe it’s because of seeing similar hairstyles on the characters in all the drama series that I’ve watched.
An experiment with the self. “Can I cut it by myself? Will it look good on me?” No idea. But why not try it out? The lockdown has been extended for two more weeks, not like I’m going outside anyways.
Yes, I’m using kitchen scissors, and yes, my mom will go into “non-stop nagging” mode once she finds out (and that isn’t a pleasant sight to see). But is that going to stop me? No.
May 2, 2020
Around 3 am
I’ve never had bangs before and so was quite excited to get a new look. I got down to combing, got the scissors ready and everything. But frankly speaking, I wasn’t able to make the cut in a single go. I only managed to cut a very thin section of my hair, that too to neck-length. What’s up with the hesitation? It’s only my family around the house. Something to think about, fear of judgment.
And so I managed to put it off to the next dawn.
One More Step
May 3, 2020
Around 3 am
I’m back in front of the mirror. I’m telling myself “It’s just hair, it’ll grow back.” Once again, I take a considerable section of hair but only cut it to the length of my nose. Still not able to make the cut, and it just kind of looks odd now. But I tell myself I’m satisfied with the look for the day (or night) and get back to watching dramas.
The Final Cut
May 4, 2020
Around 3 am
Feeling pretty gutsy, so I just go for it. Cut the entire section to the length of my eyebrows (there we go, that’s what bangs are). I mean, it is a shabby cut, and quite blunt, but I’m no professional. But what is this sense of accomplishment, which felt rather unnecessary? Wasn’t really in the mood to think about it, and so I go back to finish watching the final episode.
Friends and Responses
So I tell a few of my friends that quarantine has got to me and I ended up trying to cut my hair by myself. They get curious, ask for a picture and I send it to them. Here are the responses:
“I didn’t expect this”
“Is this a prank?”
“Show the top/back of your head as well”
“A bit odd, a bit shocking”
“It’s good only”
“Different but nice”
“Cute” (I’m on board with this response)
Some of them vague, some of them straightforward.
Using Your “Free Time”
Often, we are stuck in boredom. And the quarantine seems to be making it worse as if not being productive during this “free time” that we’ve got is like some kind of sin. It’s not. And making the most of your time doesn’t mean only working, it can literally be any other activity. Even having your own concert in the shower counts, if you’re feeling good about yourself, it counts. (In my case, both shower concerts and cutting my own hair).
So live in the moment and especially during the quarantine, just do what you feel like doing. If you are going to be worrying about consequences and regret, you’ll have time to do the regretting part later anyways.
What Other Things I Did
One more thing the quarantine reminded me of was nail art – I got started with this around 4 years ago and was actually quite obsessed with it. But for the past 2 to 3 months, I had almost forgotten about nail art, let alone just painting my nails. A few days ago, from the many nail art accounts which I follow on Instagram, one of the posts took me right back to the basics – striped and dotted nails. Times were more simple back then, how excited I would be about a striping tape, and using bobby pins in place of a dotting tool.
Anyways, I went on to choose from whatever colours of enamel I had, and then getting the striping tape out. Needless to say, the rest of the process was relaxing (even though most people I know absolutely despise the “nail polish smell”).
I see this as me trying to give myself some love. Some of that love which we’re always ready to give, but somehow seem to never receive or accept. As quarantine leads to a lot of time spent alone and might trigger overthinking and stimulate thoughts which are uncalled-for, rather than falling into the pit, keeping myself occupied seems to help, whether it be cutting my hair or any other activity.
I also have a cousin who recently shaved his head by himself. At first, I thought “Why???”, but now I feel like I can understand his decision just a little bit better. Maybe he just wanted a change, and maybe I do too.
Just like the process, one step at a time, I’m trying to love myself. And according to the legend I mentioned, if this was the face of the one I loved most in my past life, let’s just say my choice wasn’t all that bad.
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Jayashree is a contributor at The Strong Traveller. A Master’s student of English Literature, she loves to ponder and comes out with exciting & interesting content ideas every time. She is fond of sharing her own experiences, thoughts and feelings about various things that spark her interest. She keeps on gaining knowledge about different cultures, places and looks forward to traveling every nook and corner of the world!
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